Beans of Wisdom: Korean lessons and superstitious doctors

by DB Staff

This week in Beans of Wisdom…
 
In comment #2 of “Winning is the only name of the game in MBC’s Night Light,” Lord Cobol writes a correction:

Technically you should say “loading a revolver”, not “pistol”.
“Pistol” usually means a semi-auto, with a spring-fed magazine, so even if you only load one bullet, that’s guaranteed to be the first shot. Russian roulette is really, really not recommended.

potatodrama asks:

hahahaha i thought the same thing! how do you play russian roulette with an auto pistol?

Lord Cobol:

briefly

Politely…. “You first”

While Sylvia notices in “Lee Yo-won and UEE fill Jin Gu’s mind in first posters for Night Light” comment #7:

… so in reality the pure-hearted candy character is Jin Gu?! And he’s being fought over like a piece of meat by the two alpha ladies? LOL I’m sold!!

Gaeina Lee asks in “On the Way to the Airport: Episode 15” comment #3:

…What exactly is cheating? Is it emotional, is it physical, is it legal?..

So I asked several married friends from both sexes about definition of cheating and infidelity. Surprisingly, all of them said that cheating is when things get physical. To my friends, if it is only emotional, it’s not cheating yet. You just admired a good person and be close with that person. Not cheating.

However, cheating on emotional level is deadly too. I recalled I read Suzanne Finnamore’s book ‘Split: A Memoir of Divorce’, there she wrote “Such silence has an actual sound, the sound of disappearance.” When the emotion and feeling started to disappear, how can a married or relationship sustain the test of time?

This show made me think and rethink about the definition and parameter of cheating and infidelity. It opened my eyes and be more accepting on each individual’s difference in categorizing and defining it. In the end, only the people involved who have right to define, agree and disagree on the limitation or parameter of cheating and infidelity. Not the outsiders. Not even the children.

Then I stumbled upon this quote when i read online about cheating and infidelity:
..Never cheat on someone that is good to you. Karma is a bitch.. — Surgeo Bell

Gosh, this drama made me think and contemplate indeed. #_#”

In “On the Way to the Airport: Episode 16 (Final),” lunatic4kd shares in comment #4:

Here I go again with my perspective from decades of experience with love and loss. When you are young and untested by time (whether 18 or 38), it truly seems that you will fall in love with your soul mate and live happily ever after. Then reality sets in when you live with someone and really get to know them. Being friends first always has an advantage but it’s not usually the way we choose our mates. You never really get to know someone until you live with them a full two years. Even then total surprises can crop up. To the many commenters who railed “Leave your marriage first BEFORE starting an affair!”, I suggest that sometimes you don’t even know your marriage is in trouble until you are faced with the contrast of knowing someone who is easier to be around. If all of us ditched our marriages at the first sign of being attracted to someone else, none of us would stay married. Being attracted to someone of the opposite sex is a natural thing. It just is. What attraction outside of marriage teaches us is to wake up and examine our interior life – and the life we share with our mate. Yes, being honest from the git-go helps, but that can also come too early…before the external attraction meets its die-down rate.
Do not abandon your marriage before you give it your all in communication, honesty and commitment to grow together. Sometimes that means tough love. Sometimes it means trial separation (the BEST way to figure out how you really feel), oftentimes counseling works wonders…but if you’ve done what you can and your spouse doesn’t change – or you realize how YOU contribute to the dynamic – then step into a new life with patience, gentleness and kindness. It is not your JOB to make someone else change and grow. It is only your job to know yourself and become the best person YOU can be. That’s the person who will attract the true love that fits.

Pebble replies:

Well said @lunatic4kd, yours were sincere words of wisdom etched onto the mind by years of heartfelt experience.

Infidelity aside, I do agree that we couldn’t stress enough the importance of communication, honesty and commitment in maintaining a relationship. It is definitely not easy to live with someone, especially after the initial honeymoon period. Along with the diminishing oxytocin, our patience also dissipated into thin air, to be replaced by irritation and intolerance, or even resentment when the routine humdrum of daily living wears us down. Communication, honesty and commitment thus become the cornerstone of a relationship.

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Though it is easy to blame our partners for being insensitive to our needs, we may also want to honestly reflect on our own behaviour and attitude towards our partner. Whether a relationship can weather a stormy patch or not, depends on whether we have compassion for both ourselves and our partners. By honestly facing our own vulnerabilities and our fears, can we open up our hearts to the pain of others, more so for the one living so closely in the same space who breathe in the same air and whose heartbeat we can hear.

redfox says goodbye to a wonderful character in “Shopping King Louis: Episode 16 (Final)” comment #23.2:

Jae-Sook was a gem. Without her, uncle´s deeds would have had a lot more severe results. she was like a pebble between the door and the frame that always left an opening to make things right. a clueless pebble who doesn´t realize its´ worth for the hero.

aweebit also says goodbye in “Jealousy Incarnate: Episode 24 (Final)” comment #1, with a caveat:

Love, love, love!!! Top to bottom, head to toe!
What a great pairing!

But please tell me no real news organizations run their business like a game of musical chairs! Better not get up to go to the bathroom anchors. ..or you are giving up your seat forever to the next person! (At least until they have to go to the potty too.)

While lunaticandra writes in comment #11:

That moment when Hwashin treat his steamed bun more importantly than his mom’s wrath. I lost it.

Quinze replies:

Hah, the stubbornness of Hwashin is that even when Mom’s hitting you, the bun is what’s important. Oh man, I have sympathy for mom. Can you imagine him as a boy? He must have driven her up the wall!

Where was Hwashin when al the other kdrama leads were breaking up with their one true love because their family disapproves?? He’d have been like “Here’s a steamed bun, now go get married you fool.”

suegarbaby in comment #20.4:

“I’ll always be curious about you.”

This line is actually quite amazing if you think about it. Being in love and experiencing the excitement and passion of feeling in love will fade as the years go by when familiarity sets in, but always being curious about your partner? That speaks of so many things!

It speaks of how your partner will always be interesting to you. Things will always be new, different and fresh because there is always something new to discover or uncover. There won’t be staleness or dullness in the relationship.

It also speaks of how the relationship won’t fall into the indifference trap. Indifference is the silent killer, really. I think it’s quite telling how from the start, Na Ri told Jung Won how she hated apathy and indifference, that she would prefer someone to hate and complain, than to be indifferent and not bothered. This is the biggest compliment and assurance to Na Ri which Hwa Shin could ever give to her.

More than declarations of undying love, to say that she will always keep him curious about her, speaks of consistent interest and consistent attention from Hwa Shin. And that’s just absolutely beautiful and probably the best and happiest thing for Na Ri to know. <3

And merin in comment #13:

Do you have a friend who’s quirky and unpredictable, who sometimes doesn’t make sense and kinda annoys you but who always keeps you interested and curious and entertained, and you can’t help but love that friend? Yep, that’s JI for me. And it’s especially painful to say goodbye to a special friend like JI. Even now, I’m crying typing this because who knew when I would find something as good as this drama again.(???)
For someone who doesn’t even like romcoms, I’m well and truly whipped. I’m now learning Korean and even booked a ticket to go there. Just how whipped am I going to get?
(/?\*)
Although I was disappointed with how they chose to resolve Nari’s career issues, I’m still grateful for the roller coaster of emotions they had me experienced.
If you love this drama like me, please support the artists and the production as much as you can. Some of the OST songs are now out in itunes and googleplay.
m(__)m

Quinze shares this great story in #14:

And finally, kudos to this show for also spreading such a positive message about cancer. I dunno if anyone saw this but I stumbled on it a couple of weeks ago and thought it was such a nice turn of events: http://www.koogle.tv/media/news/incarnation-of-jealousy-drama-miraculously-saves-life-of-viewer/
It’s a good way to see how sometimes even a tv show can make an impact depending on the message you send to your audience.

aweebit:

Wow, what an amazing story! See I knew watching dramas was good for you!
Just this last drama-cycle alone I have learned how to avoid all sorts of terrible deaths in Moon Lovers, not the least of which is when you see someone struggling in the water, throw them a life preserver instead of going in yourself. Also, that one should avoid fire hydrants if you’re not wearing a helmet. Thanks King Louie! ?

gabobobobo:

It really helps that JI aired around October, the breast cancer awareness month (“Fantastic” also did). Because of both dramas, I’m seriously considering to have breast cancer check up, although I don’t have the symptoms. Just to stay safe.

In “The K2: Episode 16 (Final),” Kendi asks in comment #20:

I read this recap in a hurry so I still don’t get why [Yoo-jin] can’t escape together with [Je-ha] and [Anna], did the elevator can only carry two person? Or did the bomb activator is planted in her so if she tried to get out, the bomb will explode?

AsianDrama16:

Good question. She wouldn’t even if she could because Mirror was her life. It was her secret weapon against all her enemies. The only “love” in her life is Mirror. Ever wonder why it’s called “mirror”? It’s because it reflects her own image. Mirror is Yoojin, and Yoojin is Mirror. If Mirror dies, then she dies, too.

Aria writes about Song Yoon-ah in comment #32:

“You learn eventually that, while there are no villains, there are no heroes either. And until you make the final discovery that there are only human beings, who are therefore all the more fascinating, you are liable to miss something.”
― Paul Gallico

Song Yoon Ah here, Song Yoon Ah there, Song Yoon Ah everywhere and I love it. A big shout out to all the new SYA fans out there like me. I hope she gets another project as soon as possible and I HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL IN THAT DRAMA THREAD (hopefully)!

So does Sam in #14.2:

I’m excited to see her, maybe in a sageuk next time? I hope Signal’s writer casts her in her next drama

But kanz replies:

Casting her in a sageuk with Signal’s writer would multiply her death chance to 10000x.
And if she’s cast as Lee Jong Suk’s mother, I won’t count past episode 1 to see her alive.

Speaking of Lee Jong-seok’s drama moms, transient asks in “Lee Jong-seok, Suzy in talks to reunite with writer Park Hye-ryun” comment #25:

So, who’s going to be his (short lived) mom in this drama?

siesta:

whoever she is, i feel sorry for her already

Boomboompow:

Ha! It’s like Death Note.

In “This Week, My Wife Will Have an Affair: Episode 5” comment #12.5, DramaMama writes:

I think the biggest mistake people make when they enter a marriage (or any committed long-term relationship, really) is the belief that love is a feeling/emotion. Because feelings/emotions are natural and instinctive, often a result of circumstances or even hormones, and not something we really can control. Thanks to novels, kdramas, and basic biology, we tend to equate “love” (or romantic love) with attraction – that exciting little fluttery feeling we get in our stomachs when we first meet someone we are interested in. Thank you pheromones and our species’ biological drive to procreate!

But love is a choice we make – to be devoted to and care about another person deeply, regardless of circumstances. I wake up every day and make a choice to love my husband. Some days (thankfully still most days) I feel those happy butterflies of romantic love. But in my 20+ years of marriage, there have been many days when we’ve considered it a success to go to sleep still liking each other. Because life happens. But because we chose every day to love each other, here we are, still happily married and looking forward to a future together.

To answer your question, this doesn’t mean you can’t/won’t still have a physical attraction to other people. Most people will, more than once, even in healthy, long-term relationships. You just have to choose to be faithful or to betray the trust of your partner. Circumstances can help push you one way or another but it is ultimately a choice. And it is condemned by most because a loving romantic relationship usually means an exclusive relationship, which implies trust. And if you don’t have trust, it is hard to chose to love.

This is where I will have an issue with the drama. I can understand circumstances that might lead a spouse to chose to cheat (such as in On the Way to the Airport). And I can understand circumstances that will lead the betrayed spouse to forgive. But I really don’t understand how someone who has been cheated on can ever really trust the unfaithful spouse enough to continue in the relationship ever again. It happens, I know. They are just a better person than I am.

maymay presents a different viewpoint in #5.3:

Hi beanies, just sharing my opinion. I don’t think is wrong to feel bad for the cheater. We might not condone their action but it doesn’t mean that they weren’t suffering in their own way. Would it make you feel better that the wife never cheats but suffers silently until she breaks down mentally? And have you considered how would you react if your best/close girlfriend did the same thing? As always we are always rational when we are just observers but who is to know what we or our close friends do when placed in the same predicament. If you were in her shoes, would you not crave for a sympathetic ear. If it were your friend, would you not at least hear her out. It’s not like she is unrepentent (or like Yoon Ki), and it’s not like she is scheming to hold on to that other man. Even if she ends up in divorce, I still think she needs a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and not just judgemental people like a lot of us.

And I disagree strongly on the fact that if you date someone for a long period of time, you should know someone inside out. People do change over time. Marriage changed the dinamics of your relationships. I am going to assume Nerdy is not married here (Sorry if I am wrong). There is a saying that marriage is the graveyard of love. Depending on the society you are in, I will say most Asian countries, the dynamics change drastically and will take some getting used to. If before when you were dating, the men pampers and agrees to your every requests, after getting married you are expected to fulfill their requests. Even in this age of supposed gender equality,women are expected to do more, to be subservient to the husband. Sometimes we do it out of love, other times it is something expected of us. Doesn’t mean the man you married is bad, but if they lack consideration, it does make life harder.

Again, I do not support cheating but I think it is too harsh to suggest that we should not feel sorry for the character at all. Sorry for the long post.

Nerdy replies:

Marriage is hard, being a working mom is also hard, but you see, tons of working moms don’t cheat. I wonder what makes Soo Yeons situation so special or different
“Would it make you feel better that the wife never cheats but suffers silently until she breaks down mentally?”
Again, why do we have only two options? Her husband is not some sort of tyrant, he tried to protect her from his mother, asked for a few times if she was angry when he forgot their child, washed the dishes because she might be tired. As you said, our main hero lacks considiration but at least he tries and when his wife acts like everything is fine then he trusts her words. He is not some mind reader but he is a lot better then a lot of husbands of faithul wives.
She also has a son, the one who loves her without any reason, he can’t give her the shoulder to cry, but we definetly can say that she is not alone.
I am not even going to start talking about how for 35 years of life k-drama character couldn’t find even one friend…but really, if she needed someone else (because for some reason her husband is unable) to understand her she could find a friend, not a lover. And lover with a wife on his own. Selfish no? Destroing someones else’s marriage because you feel lonely.
As you said I am not married, I am not trying to hate or anything, I like this show so I wonder about why is it trying to make character sympathetic if she digged her own grave.

MapleSilver:

So we know Hyun Woo connects to people very easily and she does not from the fact that he has so many friends and she is all alone. His personality is down to earth whereas she seems to be closed and reserved as evidenced in their wedding video when she does not want to openly show affection. I wonder if she ever feels insecure next to such extroverted partner who never lacks company and so her coping mechanism over the year is to overcompensate her insecurity by building this perfect image of a wife/mother. As an introvert myself I definitely often feel insecure around more extroverted people.

And maymay:

Soo Yeon is not special and she is not the only person who has cheated either but to make a character hateful just because she cheats is very one-dimensional. Just like we argue some murderers come from broken family (sorry probably a poor example), she could have her reasons too and it is definitely more interesting to let her story be stold as well. And like you say, tons of other neglected wives don’t cheat too, but there are also a significant number who does and I like that this show tries to explore that angle.

Each of us has our own set of values and it is very easy to judge based on our values. You would think people in an abusive relationship should just run away and leave the partner but in a lot of situation, I feel like the personality of that person matters too. What we think is right sadly might not mean the same to others for whatever reasons (upbringing, family, society, etc). Probably because we have been seeing the story from the husband’s point of view that makes it harder for some to spare even some sympathy for the wife (especially if one feels strongly on the subject). That is for the show to rectify if indeed it plans to do so anyway.

My argument, or my personal sentiments anyway, was that we can think that the wife is wrong to cheat but we could still feel a degree of sympathy for her anyway. At the very least, sorry that she did not do better to maintain her marriage that sort of thing. This is where I think you misunderstand me, I don’t mean sympathetic as to justify her actions but just yunno be sorry for her.

Sorry my points are all over the place, I make a horrible debater. It’s just that I had a friend who well was sort of cheating (she wasn’t married at the time), and I distanced myself from her thinking that she’s doing an awful thing. She didn’t end up with that other guy (they both had partners) but I realized after we got closer again how alone she was when facing all the criticisms and side eyes. And then I wished I had been a better friend and be there for her when she was struggling.

rufuru points out a dramaland anomaly in comment #6 of “Purple raincoat serial killer on the loose in OCN’s Voice”:

Wait- the FEMALE lead is the genius this time? Come one, come all! A miracle in dramaland! I do tend to roll my eyes whenever a main character is classed as a geeeennniiuuus (why can’t they ever just be -I dunno- good at their job?) but the fact that it’s the female lead this time definitely makes me a lot more interested.
But jeez louise- that boot-opening scared the bejeezus out of me. Don’t think I’ll be watching this one at night…

BossyPixie writes this lovely message in “The Man Living in Our House: Episode 7” comment #6:

I agree that it is so sad that Nan-gil thinks of himself as a weed. You know what though, even a beneficial plant is considered a weed if it is growing in the wrong place, like a squad plant growing in a strawberry patch. I think that Nan-gil would only be considered a weed in that sense. He grew in the wrong place, first parent less in the orphanage and then with CEO Bae. I have a feeling that Na-ri will feel the same way. Nan-gil is likely afraid of how Na-ri will see him when she learns of his past and when the find out whatever secret CEO Bae is keeping. Na-ri is so kind, loving, and understanding though. I think she is far more likely to feel heartbroken by what young Nan-gil had to go through than she is to reject adult Nan-gil.

Lessa starts a discussion on superstitious doctors in comment #3 of “Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim: Episode 3”:

Going back to Friday night… i feel like it’s a sort of superstition. Hehe. We used to have something like that in training, like if you eat spaghetti when you’re on-call, prepare for some toxic patients incoming. (Because spaghetti is long, so you’re going to have a loooong night.. LOL)

Michykdrama replies:

Haha @Lessa I’ve never heard of the spaghetti thing before but where I work we have many other superstitions, like not eating bao (?) which are steamed buns, or not wearing red underwear! Lol.

There was a local journal article written on it a while ago- it’s a tongue in cheek look at how crazy superstitions are still followed by supposedly scientifically evidence based trained doctors, all in desperate hope for a good quiet day at work ?

http://www.annals.edu.sg/PDF/36VolNo3Mar2007/V36N3p217.pdf

And as a fellow doctor, I’m sending a hug to you, we all have those days where we need a hug or a good cry.

lessa:

that article is sooo relatable! 😀 We also practice a lot of feng shui in the hospital… (even though we’re not a chinese hospital) like we don’t have rooms or floors that end in 4 or 13.

Oh, I just remembered… we even have the “antidote” for the spaghetti curse…. you have to eat ice cream in order to make the evening’s chaos quiet again. LOL.

Thanks for the hug! And to all in the medical field! 😀 😀

DaeByDae explains the show’s title in “Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim: Episode 4” comment #3:

In my opinion from watching these 4 eps, the ‘romantic’ in the title wasn’t so much refering to the romance as in love-related situation. Instead, it’s more related to him having an idealistic view of the way things supposed to be. Ironic as it is, with him being totally jaded and pragmatic, his character actually embodies the ideal value of what is it to be a doctor. Someone who is unlimitedly selfless and willing to take any length to help people.
Hence the ‘romantic doctor’ in the title

And in the same post, Lessa once again shares a story about working as a doctor in comment #10:

Nothing much, im still up-down-rollercoaster with this show. I must have been whooped so hard in training because I would worship Master Kim and definitely BEG/GROVEL him to teach me some skillz even if he’s mean. I’d probably cry everyday for being an incompetent moron, but I would DIE just to be trained by him. I would sell my kidney if he wanted a new ultrasound machine.

I like Master Kim’s answer to whether he’s the best doctor or a good doctor. What I think is more important is the rapport to the patient, -and I do believe it contributes to healing. I once referred someone to a doctor who I knew was THE BEST in a certain field. The patient came back, angry, upset, & unsatisfied. There were a lot of reasons for it, but since then, I’ve learned to refer based on personality: if my patient is older, needing longer consults, more lay person level talk,… i match him to a doctor who will cater to that need. If a patient wants aggressive action, instant results, quick info, I find a doctor like that as well. Its like matchmaking. Because your doctor should be your friend & partner in healing.

I hope SJ gets proper psych treatment. I agree with her not touching a patient for now. But she needs help!

Im loving this series a lot, even though Im not surgically trained. But the drama is solid, the characters flawed, annoying, but the same time relatable and lovable still.

Lola observes in “Woman With a Suitcase: Episode 15” comment #6:

The end of this series is like baddie musical chairs. Everyone gets caught (for a bit) and then someone else takes their place. Doesn’t really bother me though but I would’ve loved this show more if there’d been more Bok Geo/Geum Joo interaction till the very end.

While blank also reacts to the good news in comment #54 of “Bad Guys return to OCN for a Season 2”:

Woow, i guess the prayer circle works…

Irochka

Yes, this shows we should never give up! Just need to keep making sacrifices to the Subway god and we can have anything we want!

(One day we will have a Soulmate season 2…one day…)

Imbuk writes in “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju: Episode 1” comment #39:

This is by far the most interesting thing for me right now, in this drama. The choice of sports for the women, Whereas gymnastics makes them look more feminine, weightlifting makes them looks masculine. The fact that the gymnasts tease the weightlifters about their body only cements the truth (which most times we don’t acknowledge) that some women themselves don’t accept it when species of their own gender break from the stereotypes and see it as a cause for ridicule. If we do that, how can we expect the members of opposite gender to not do the same thing? I hope the show delves into this conflict more and shows that its not how she looks (either too feminine or masculine), but who she is In her heart that matters.

While ilikehim asks in comment #34 of “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju: Episode 2”:

Am I the only one super fixated on the fact that it flashed back to their childhood…and it was 2005?! 2000-friggin-5 and they were little tiny children. Talk about about feeling old!

No? Just me in my quarter life crisis? kthanksbye.

Don’t worry, it’s not just you!

rlg is feeling envious of our mermaid in comment #3 of “Legend of the Blue Sea: Episode 2”:

I really, really, really wish I could absorb the Korean language overnight by wearing my laptop over my head and running dramas for 8 hours straight. Sigh. Stupid human weaknesses.

Moment:

LMAO that entire laptop scene is like every Beanie ever! Yes, we learned Korean from watching dramas all night, lol.

Mindy shows some mermaid love in comment #1.2:

Oh, and I just wanted to express how much I love JJH’s character. SHE IS A TOTAL BADASS. In her own way. And hilarious. And just so much fun. This whole drama is so much fun so far.

I like how we’re seeing more in this episode of her kind of… genius side? What with how rapidly she learned the language and everything. I hope we learn a bit more about how her brain works, or at least what else she can do. Right now it seems Joon-jae is the brains and she is the brawn, but it also seems she has her own brand of intellect that could match his.

Also, the whole scenario with Joon-jae saying “If anyone comes after us it’s okay, I’ll totally beat them up–” and then she goes on to whoop a bunch of asses while he is just talking about how great he is… HA. I love it. That’s, like, one of my favorite cliches/tropes/whatever.

Amilia adds:

The bit that cracked me up with that scenario was, he said, “If we see the bad guys, you turn around and run!” Then she sees bad guys, and does exactly what he told her to do. She turns around and runs . . . right at the bad guys.

And licia has a plausible theory in comment #37:

Fun theory time: I’m calling it now he’s may be half mermaidan.
(Clue #1) Remember in the scence in the bathroom where he was checking his self out. His eyes changed color, hazel; light green or light brown. One of the things about watching tv shows on streaming sites is that you get freeze the frame. This would could also explain why he is inclined to do hypnosis. Maybe it’s one of his mermaidan abilities. Yes one could say from reasoning abilites as a con man he can study a person facial expression and body langauage and conclude whether or not they have a weak mind but he still has the ability to mesmerize people with eyes while he attempts it.

Clues#2 The writers hint is forshadaowed when the maid who I think is his mom and a mermaid mentions the ocean and her son. Her description was filled with longing and very detailed. If so how did his mom stay permanently on land? and is that vase in the end scence possibly his mom and the dad. The person there was in a modern business suit next to the mermaid.

Clue #3 In the scence where our lovely mermaid mentions how shiny and are pretty his eyes are. I dont think the writers were just using that moment to have our lovebirds or lovefish or is it lovemers?…..Stare into each others eyes.
To sum it all up= The mermaid in her recognizes the merman in him.

I know I read some where the writers wanted an orginal mermaid story
So the rules here are going to be different.
What do you guys think of my theory?

As always, thanks to all for writing great comments every week!

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