Beans of Wisdom: When dramas reflect life

by DB Staff

This week in Beans of Wisdom…

Callie concludes at the end of a sandwich thread in comment #3.4.4.1 of “Desperation among the stranded in Missing 9”:

The subway jokes have outnumbered the actual subway PPL. We have become a parody of ourselves 0_0

In “The Lonely Shining Goblin: Episode 3,” cinnamon says of cheerful Eun-tak in comment #53.1:

I once knew someone who led a hard life. She lost her father and lived with her mother along with her 6 siblings. They fought against the poverty to get a better education and life. She ‘trained’ herself to be confident, but most people who had just met her hated her. They thought she was a bit too confident. What kind of life would she feel if she had nothing? So that’s why I can relate this Eun Tak for being cheery. Are we supposed to have all-gloomy heroine with difficult life and then saved by a hero? I think I like it better: “Yeah, you may lead such a pitiful fate but you can save a soul too…you sweep the cloud with the sunny you.”

In “The Lonely Shining Goblin: Episode 4” comment #1.2.4.2, Kiara writes:

Let’s talk about issues when she summons him while he is taking a shower.

Moment:

*gets candles*

fay:

LOL. Goblin might get more hyper if that idea got to his head. He might never go to shower again.

Kiara:

Then that underwear song would make sense lol.

Sylvia talks art in #1.2.6.2:

[I]n the European arts and literary tradition, the young maiden has always been paired with ancient death. Part of it is the piercing provocation of the juxtaposition, as nothing seems to symbolize the full bloom of youth and beauty as a girl-woman. In the Divine Comedy, Dante’s childhood love Beatrice is the one guiding him to heaven. The composer Schubert, suffering a nervous breakdown after realizing he going to die young, wrote a string quartet named “Death and the Maiden”. Momento Mori images throughout the ages frequently pair maidens with skeletons and skulls, like Georges de la Tour’s ‘Magdalene with the Smoking Flame’ and this interesting 18th c German thing:

(img link)

Of course all of the above were created by Old White Men, so figures that they’d want their thoughts of death tempered by sweet young maidens lmao.

But at least from Shin/the Goblin’s perspective, it’s poetic in this ‘momento mori’ way that the literal hand of death comes in the form of young, lovely, spring-in-her-steps Eun Tak. It’s like she’s his Beatrice– that representation of ‘spring’ in his winter years, the divine, and ultimate oblivion.

Danielle B.:

I love this! That’s so true about the juxtaposition of young and old in myth and how Death is normally portrayed.

This is an interesting comparison, like I wonder how Korean folklore interacts with those comparisons.

Dokkaebi are supposed to be inanimate objects, not people though, so I wonder if there’s something special about this? Also I wonder if that plays into Eun-Tak’s attitude toward the whole thing too. She’s still very light-hearted about it, probably because she sees him as not serious?

In comment #8, Haydn confesses:

i wish someone would look at me the way Gong Yoo looks at Eun Tak… or the way Deok Hwa looks whenever his grandpa mentions his credit card. XD

While van shares a fear in #15.3:

i don’t mean to take away from the beautiful scene, but was it just me that was so glad she didn’t get run over and that she crossed the street safely and made it over to the other side in one piece? omg, i think i held my breath that whole time and it didn’t help that they slo mo-ed it!

Bips99:

Me too …. Me too …. Me too….. I kept waiting for the truck of doom … And I was like goblin! Stop being poetic … Focus … She is going to get run over … You need to be alert ..

Sylvia:

When she started hopping back into the intersection I did an internal scream and thought “omg u dumb child now Goblin the Guardian will have to slice another car to keep you from getting killed.”

But thankfully the maple country is a peaceful nation with fewer drivers of manslaughter bent.

JISG:

lol I knew she was going to be fine because they were in Canada. Random cars aiming for the lone predestinarian on an empty road only happens in Korea lol

Seriously, when they jaywalk/run walk across highways they always make it, yet they always get run over when crossing COMPLETELY EMPTY STREETS!! Why?!??

Leenie:

I think Canada is constitutionally incapable of having a Truck-of-Doom. They’re entirely too nice. Even their cars are nice.

View the full convo here to get catharsis from your fear of kdrama-crossings.

Helena shares a similar story in #128:

Just because something is unconventional does not mean it’s wrong contrary to what many are thinking. There is plentiful evidence the kind of relationships they object to works in real life for many.

I keep seeing talk about emotional levels needing to match for a relationship to work. I would like to point out that it is not necessarily true. Emotional levels compatibility is what is needed.

Someone mature might find “immaturity” fresh and attractive. Not for everyone, but for some. Someone “immature” might find maturity something worth admiring and respecting.

And I speak witnessing a real-life scenario where the husband and wife complimented each other as such. She makes up for what his nature can’t do as a quiet thoughtful man (in academia if this gives any indication), and he’s the only one capable to handle her volatile personality with calm and patience and most of all, with love. It’s quite beautiful, really. He indulges her, and she feels love and loves in return. She brings into his life things he never would have experienced otherwise with his nature. And she takes care of their 3 children and raised them to be social in a way he would have been incapable of doing. They are now grown adults, and the sister is my close friend.
All of them have grown into adults I respect, and anyone would respect (polite, intelligent (engineer, dentist, doctor intern), mature) and they admit readily even though they inherited their brains from their father, they learned how to live life properly from their mother. Their mother is not someone easy to handle because of her mood swings, but she brought so much to the family. It’s why her husband fell in love with her, and still loves her. Anw, I wasn’t intending to write so much, so I’ll stop before I start spilling out someone else’s entire life story. Pfft.

Please just know that what doesn’t work for you can work for others and give them a happy life.

fay adds:

@Helena Rightly said. I do think not all eighteen year old are like eun tak, but there are many like her, so people who’re saying I am same age as her, but I don’t behave that way. Well yes, you may not, because you are not her, and it won’t be possible that every eighteen years old behave in the same way, but they do exist..those like eun tak, cheerful, feisty and still strong enough and resilient. So, stop putting them in your shoes, and vice versa.

While in “Legend of the Blue Sea: Episode 9,” silentbeluga writes praise for actors in comment #15:

My God, Lee Min Ho, you are good at the crying, you are. I just love it when an actor is able to really build up to a moment of overwhelming emotion and then let it out in the open. Vulnerability is such a hard thing, isn’t it? We’re always told not to cry, not to show our weaknesses, not to fall apart in front of others and once we grow up, it’s so difficult to open up again and to be that fragile again. We spend our entire life learning how to build walls and tearing them down is always such a daunting task. Am I being judged? What is they turn away from me? What if they don’t like me if I’m not at my best? So much time spend trying to hide or control how we feel, swallowing it down and keeping it in check. And the fact that good actors can tap into that messy interior pool of human rawness and share it with the world will never cease to amaze me.

Lessa shares more insights into a doctor’s life in comment #3 of “Romantic Doctor Teacher Kim: Episode 11”:

I read somewhere in another site’s comments about how shallow/wishy/washy DJ is as a doctor, (to be possibly tempted by money) but I think its very realistic (& part of his character growth). We study 3-4 years in college, 4 years of medschool, 1 year internship (in some countries, the internship is counted as the first year of residency), 3-6 years of residency (depends), 2-3 years of subspecialty training, …add school loans, hospital stocks &, setting up your private practice. I mean its like one day I was in highschool then I woke up, & suddenly I’m thirty. And thats me who had (relatively) financially capable parents. (Im no In Bum)… DJ’s mom makes mandoo. Im not saying being poor is an excuse to be morally corrupt. Just sayin’, he’s had it hard, its okay to have this sort of dillema. And Im glad he’s at Doldam to continues his never ending medical education.

Michykdrama adds:

And not many people know that our school fees are one of the highest compared to other university school fees, and that our pay as a fresh graduate while we are doing our “internship” year is quite pitiful. (or at least in my country it is) It does go up after the first year but the first year is also the toughest year. In fact my relative who graduated from Law at the same time as me was earning a lot more than me during her first year!

Ironic considering medicine literally involves life and death. But it’s also complicated by the fact that medicine is somewhat considered to be a vocation, and this idea that the noblest medical professionals do it without thought for any financial gain.

Unfortunately doctors also are human, we haven’t learnt how to photosynthesize yet, and even if we did, we often (at least at the start) don’t see the sun enough since we work from predawn till dusk anyway. Haha.

So yeah, DJ’s struggle is real. My 2 cents ?

Lessa:

The first time I got my hospital stipend as a resident, I was so proud I would not be asking for money that month. ….then before the month even ended I went home to get groceries I could eat at the dorm. ???? LOL #thestruggleisReaL

starswillshine shares her story and wishes for a Joon-hyung in “Team Dramabeans: What we’re watching” comment #26:

I just love how Joon Hyung loves Bok Joo for who she is instead of her appearance. He just wants Bok Joo to be happy. Look at him feeding Bok Joo with all the food. Bok Joo does not care about how she is like to Joon Hyung because she is still treating Joon Hyung as a friend. And I appreciated that. Instead of falling heads over heels for Joon Hyung and changes herself to be a socially acceptable female, she is at ease of being herself with Joon Hyung. When she finally realises that she’s in love with Joon Hyung, she will still be herself, and this is important.

Over the years, I have heard comments about my weight (I’m overweight, not even obese). “OMG, you must be able to eat a lot.” “Don’t worry, she can finish all the food!” “These are very high in calories, I’m not eating them, can you help me to eat them?” These comments have caused me to stress over ordering and eating food when I am with acquaintances (not even romantic crushes). If I go for buffet, I will only go for one serving (which defies the purpose of a buffet!). I will not finish my food too. I will not order anything fried. I will try to finish my food very slowly. I know I should not be caring about the societal standards but it’s impossible for me to ignore. Therefore, I want to meet someone whom I can order and eat food comfortably. And this explains why I am so jealous that Bok Joo can eat whatever she wants with Joon Hyung.

inxomnia raises a question in “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju: Episode 9” comment #1.4:

This is something I’ve felt before watching other dramas based on real women… I wonder how much of the romance depicted is true, especially when it explores the notion of their uniqueness or ‘difference’ impacting their love life. Is the romance fiction? Don’t get me wrong, I love everything about the romance between Bok Joo and Joon Hyung. But a small part of me wonders whether a love interest is always necessary in a female-centric drama. It seems like there are dramas that a male-centric can do away with a main romance but a lot heroines are defined by her love life. It’s almost as if having someone who loves her is a form of validation. I guess it just reminds of me of 1 Litre of Tears a little where I know that the story was based on Aya’s life and her struggle with her illness, however the romance which became a core part of the drama was entirely fictional. It makes me question whether it is necessary and whether there is a belief that a woman’s journey is not compelling enough without a central romance? However, in being totally hypocritical, I really enjoyed the romance there and here so I understand why the romance is added because it does sell no doubt. I just kind of hope there will be a drama that dares to tell the story of a woman who can exist without romance because I really do wonder how that’d be depicted.

ashablue:

I would usually agree with you, but for this drama, the romance is actually pivotal in how the main character sees herself. She feels unlovable, and unfeminine. Things that most women want to be and what are widely expected of women to be. And how you perceive yourself and your physical attractiveness can also be related to romantic issues. Especially for Bok Joo who is still growing up and this is her major first crush. Obviously she has this preconceived notion that only if she is feminine that she can be loved. So it works well in this story. And the guy is honestly too cute lol

deltadragon23:

I agree wiith you @ashablue. The romance is necessary for the drama–a large theme being emphasized in the show is that true love is one where your partner knows who are you as a person – your strengths, your quirks, and even your flaws – and loves you because of or in spite of those things. And that message can only be communicated through telling a romantic story.

Another thing I want to touch on is how it seems that in today’s society, there are those who believe that shows that don’t depict a woman’s romantic love life are more progressively feminist than those that do. While I would love to see the entertainment industry tackle stories with female protagonists that do not have any love interests whatsoever, I also hope that that story line does not become the norm. I want to see diversity. Amazing female protagonists who are divorced, widowed, never married, single AF, happily married. I want to see the entire gamut.

I enjoy Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-Joo because it is portraying a role model female protagonist who is not just an amazing athlete but also a warm and caring daughter and friend who experiences problems that all young adults experience, not just professional weightlifters, including feelings of attraction for the first time. I personally do not define Kim Bok Joo based on her romantic life. I see it as one identifying part of herself, among many.

I also want to clarify that romantic love and feminist ideals are not mutually exclusive ideas. I think it’s important to remember that women can be strong, intelligent, and resilient individuals not only while single, but also while in a relationship and/or in love.

On another note, I also agree that one of the things that is hindering her self-development is believing that she is “unfeminine” and therefore unworthy of being loved. I truly hope that in the end, Bok Joo will learn that “femininity” and “masculinity” are only social constructs and that she can be “feminine” simply by the virtue of being female. I want more than anything for Bok Joo to understand that weightlifting is “feminine” because it is something that she, a female, is doing, and that her passion for it is not only impressive and admirable, it’s part of what makes her so goddamn beautiful.

And Ade asks another in #20:

If anyone can explain..What i dont understand is the part about her body being unattractive, her belly sticking out and all.. i mean yeah i know she eats alot and she weighs more than the average girl.. but she works out alot.. i suppose i just feel like the extra food would be in form of muscle on her body instead of fat since she excerises and lifts and all. I mean is she not supposed to be physically fit?? How can she have a flabby stomach .. Am truly confused

And looking at the other team members.. its asif the show is trying to say that weightlifters are overweight and chubby.. I just dont get the sterotype.. shouldn’t they be fit

striving8:

Its actually psychological. It has a lot to do with gender roles and how a particular gender is perceived by the society. Women through time have had to live up to a certain expectation of grace and femininity. Weightlifting has often been perceived as masculine sport so playing a sport that requires certain masculine attributes. Thus while she is focusing on weightlifting she would move away from the expected feminine values meaning that wouldn’t exactly live up to the societal image, e.g. she wouldn’t be thin, she would have muscles, she wouldn’t be dainty and tiny and she would eat a lot. That is why Kim Bok Joo while she is actually weightlifting wouldn’t exactly feel feminine and whatever she said only builds on that.

Miranda:

Think of speedskaters. Their thighs are absolutely massive and it’s pure muscle, but female attractiveness doesn’t value that sort of shape – curvy, sure, but not hard-as-rock professional muscle. Gymnasts who are stocky rather than balletic have the same hangups.

Female attractiveness, as socially understood, tends towards willowy and graceful. Dancers, etc. All women (but teenage girls especially) are sensitive to anything about them that deviates from this standard. Even though Bok Joo tensing her abdomen to lift weight is minimal, she’s right, it will press her lycra’d stomach against the weightlifting belt and LOOK like a bulge. That’s the exact opposite of what women aim for, and also the entire marketing model behind Spanx.

Bok Joo’s not unusual here, at all. Sadly.

Dramaninja:

Sadly, fit is not the same as attractive in many cultures. Though recently there has been a rise in fitness enthusiasts, resulting in promotion of the notion that fit is attractive (Thank God), in reality slender females are considered the best looking. In fact in my country many fit and muscular girls would wear loose clothes just to hide their built and not be seen as ‘manly’.
D
ifferent sports require different levels of fitness and specific target areas are there to improve their efficiency in sport. (From my personal observation) Swimmers generally tend to have broader sholders, Cyclists and many athletes have wider and extremely built thighs, Footballers generally have strong stout calves, etc. People tend to make fun of these things and put them down. For eg. Serena Williams is one of the(if not THE) best Tennis players in the world, but people keep criticising her for her (magnificent)body and built. Some mean ppl even go so far as to say that she should play mens tennis instead(-.-)!

Cocobeans answers with her experience as a young athlete:

Actually, i can relate to that, when i was young (i’m an ahjumma now) i used to be a kickboxer /MMA fighter.
From age 12 till 21 and this was in the days before Rhonda Rhousey and the female action hero’s like Jeniffer Lawrence and scarlet Johanssen.
It made things very hard on my mom sometimes because i would often be covered in bruises and scrapes and people thought at first she abused me.
Training (being the only girl) was hard if you have to spar with guys older then you, soaking in sweat, my head beet red, it was NOT pretty. Neither where fights, i told my family not to come, even if its just untill you tap off or the referee calls it, a headlock or armbar still hurts, getting a kick in the head..ouch! Not a lot of people want to see their loved ones suffer like that.
Men first think its exciting then get scared or they think you’re a lesbian because “no normal woman does that” so dating was hard and going to a higher weightclass in such short notice!! it’s maddness! its very hard on the liver and kidneys you know to bulk up that fast. I understand her completely, i’m just glad that these days, being a female weightlifter,boxer,MMA fighter is not that unusuall anymore although we still get some jabs like “ugly lesbo, ooh she must do that because she wants to be a guy,..” trust me, it is not easy.I started training again and even these days, poeple are still hard on woman who do sports that are considered men sports.

In “Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok-ju: Episode 10,” wow writes some difficult advice for our heroine in #26.1:

In real life regardless how much of a person is nice they are still more complex then you could see in dramas or imagine. If they are nice but not perceptive like JY then they will only understand when you talk to them openly or they might be nice because they are thinking that’s what expected from them in that case anything can be solved as long as it’s addressed.

For Bok Joo I think everyone expects her to remain strong. This is why she needed lies and now feels lonely even if you keep her telling how strong she is that’s not what she needs it might burden her more because she thinks she is not herself when she is weak. She should have allowed herself to feel embarrassed and sad. Everyone is like that after all well it’s easier said than done tho TT

While HerImperialMaj draws parallels with another literary work in comment #31:

“… too much consideration can be hurtful.”

In Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, there was this one female character who was renowned for being incredibly kind and caring to everyone, from the top politicians to the lowliest street orphan. The main character wound up married to her (no, this was not a Kdrama, and they did not fall in love), and he observed that her universal kindness might be a genuine love for everyone, or it might be her own brand of frigidity – that maybe she applied equal love to everyone because she didn’t have especial love for any one person.

People like Jae-yi can feel like that. The people around love how kind he always is to them … until they notice that he treats every random stranger just as well. It’s not selfish to want your loved one to give you special treatment, because that’s acknowledging that you are special to them.

If extreme kindness is his M.O. and he doesn’t deviate from it, then those who don’t know him well would naturally perceive a closer relationship with him than he’s interested in, while those who actually are close to him and have observed him over a long period of time start to doubt that they have any real meaning to him. That’s how a relative stranger Bok-ju can read so much into his interactions, while those close to him, like Joon-hyung and Dr. Go, are never sure where they stand.

Candy shares her side in comment #34:

I’ve had 3 major quarrels where I was yelled at for being too nice. I never understood what they meant and they never clarified either. Now that I’ve seen the analysis of Jae-yi’s behaviour I think I know where they came from. I thought about my own behavior and realised that I had been walking on eggshells around them while trying to be “considerate”. I used to be the kid who was socially awkward and blunt with people so after repeated blunders I decided to be extra-careful and overly nice so as to not offend anyone. Which probably felt off-putting to the next set of people I interacted with. What do I do now??

Peeps:

Be yourself.

I understand how you feel, because I’ve been through that too. Too scared to offend, to scared to truly open up.

But real, active social life only starts when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow yourself to take a few hits. When you open up and let people know the true you, will people then feel like they can trust you and really befriend you. When you hide behind a sheen of niceness, they don’t know what you’re really thinking and that scares them, because for all they know, you could be hating them and who likes a “friend” who hates them?

Don’t worry about offending others. Because you can and will always make up with those who really care about you. You’ll want to and they’ll let you.

Those who don’t care, well, you don’t need them anyways.

SHIN:

My best friend experienced the same thing as you and she is now like the kindest and nicest person ever. It’s like a trauma, she is kind of scared people hating her. We used to cold her too for being too nice, that’s because sometimes it’s self-destructive, like too much sacrificing yourself for people who aren’t even worth it. It’s not bad to be nice, but it’s not nice to be nice while sacrificing yourself or burdening yourself. Just learn how to say ‘no’ nicely.
I can relate to what JH said, being too nice made distance, because honestly yes, I am nice to people I am not close too, the polite nice kind, while with people I am very close too, I am being an evil-nice kind (nice at some times but mostly evil, if you know what I mean hehe). I was also very blunt before but now I have learned to control it by being polite-blunt to avoid hurting people’s feelings.
So, I don’t know you’re being nice because the same reason as my friend or because you still have distance with those people you’re nice at, but I believe people scold you for being too nice because they care. Maybe they are worried you hurt or sacrifice yourself for being too nice, or maybe they are worried you’re seen as being fake, or maybe they’re worried you feel obligated to be nice only because of your past. It’s not I am saying being nice is a sin or what, being nice is like a neccessity to be a human, but that’s the only reason to be nice, because we’re human, we’re supposed to be nice to each other, not because of some other reasons.

Sorry if you feel I’m lecturing you or anything, I didn’t mean that. it’s just i feel i can relate so much with your problem and i’ve seen and experienced similar situation, so i can’t help but to reply your comment.

Wish the best for you, I hope you can solve your problems fast and wisely ?

sharreb:

I hope you mind moderation.
It is good to stop, be thoughtful and be kind to others.
But it’s also important to love yourself, to not be push over.
I like to think in socialising or whatever word banter, choose which ones are important to you. Stand your ground or speak your mind on whats important. Things or people who are not important instead of speaking i give a smile and turn away.

Thank you for the wonderful comments and for being there for each other, beanies.

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