Santa goes Zen [Year in Review, Part 8]

by Santa Claus

Another year, another Christmas Eve delivery completed!

Not gonna lie, recent years haven’t been the rosiest for Old Saint Nick, but this year, I decided to do something about it. If by something I mean nothing, in that the doctor ordered me to take some time off the elf toy assembly line and get some good old-fashioned vacation time. The elf uprising had been settled and the labor union demanded health and benefits, which I’m sure was great for them and all, but hardly what I needed: more elves, doing less work, clocking out on the dot and dispersing info pamphlets about reindeer shift limits and sleigh safety standards. They left North Pole Factory Lines 1 through 50 short-staffed (of short staff), so I tried to fill the gap myself. Three breakdowns later, I was forced to admit I couldn’t do it all and nearly threw in the towel.

But then I discovered two life-changing things: Zen, and Amazon prime. One let me sit back while someone else did the delivering, and the other helped me not care about it. So I’m spending the holidays on a warm and cozy island, watching dramas and emptying my mind. My therapist recommended I write down my feelings, in their barest form, in the moment, every time I felt them. That seemed like a lot of work, so when my Zen-master life coach suggested I try haiku, I was all about the 17-syllable limit. I’m being enlightening, not lazy! Go forth and be enlightened.

Warm and Cozy:
I’ll just sit back here
while you do all of the work
you don’t mind, do you?

Oh My Venus:
Have to lose some weight
Diet challenge is so hard
Trainer is hot though

Awl:
Evil management
crushing union workers down
What’s so wrong with that?

The Time I’ve Loved You:
Seven thousand days
The time I’ve loved my best friend
And some other guys

Six Flying Dragons:
Six flying dragons
Trying to found new nation
Too bad they all fight

Bubblegum:
Can’t be together
There’s a really good reason
Can’t remember why

Let’s Eat 2:
New city, new home
Same foodie-porn obsession
but a different girl

Girl Who Sees Smells:
Smells look like pictures
That lead me to the killer
This seems like a trap

Remember—Son’s War:
Dad is innocent
He just can’t remember it
Law will save him, right?

Scholar Who Walks the Night:
Hundred-year-old angst,
Blood, rage, and underground lair
Go poof in sunlight

Maids:
I used to be rich
a long time ago (sadly)
now I’m just the help

D-Day:
Earthquake strikes in Seoul
I must save everybody
But he won’t let me

Angry Mom:
Daughter gets bullied
Mom puts on school uniform
Everyone buys it

Imaginary Cat:
Do I want my cat
To talk about his feelings
Is this trick question

Yong-pal:
Doctor on the run
Wakes princess in a coma
becomes a kept man

Valid Love:
I love my husband
but there’s this hot carpenter
Do I have to choose?

Kill Me, Heal Me:
I’m split into parts
all trying to take over
Yo-na is the best

Because It’s the First Time:
I love this one girl
who’s in love with my best friend
this might end badly

Healer:
Nighttime errand boy
leaps buildings in single bound
doesn’t wear tights though

Village—Secret of Achiara:
Dead girl, creepy town
What secrets are buried here?
I don’t wanna know

Sassy, Go Go:
College apps need boost
Cheerleading is the answer
Harvard, here I come

Ex-Girlfriend Club:
Three angry exes
Fighting, swearing, pulling hair
But now we’re all friends

The Superman Age:
Turning back the clock
isn’t really that useful
when you’re a loser

Mask
I look just like her
I’ll replace her as chaebol
Almost the same thing

I Remember You:
Someone keeps killing
Cops too dumb to capture him
Bring in the genius

Oh My Ghostess:
Girl-possessing ghost
thinks sex will solve her problem
Chef won’t give it up

The Producers:
Failing TV show
Let’s just put some idols in
That’ll make it good

She Was Pretty:
He was really fat
I was really beautiful
Now we’re both The Most

Answer Me 1988:
Girl with many boys
She will marry one of them
Oh this game again

 
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• 2015 Year in Review, Part 6: A sweet year of dramas (LollyPip’s review)
• 2015 Year in Review, Part 5: The fifth wheel in dramaland (gummimochi’s review)
• 2015 Year in Review, Part 4: The five stages of grief (HeadsNo2’s review)
• 2015 Year in Review, Part 3: Five by five in 2015 (girlfriday’s review)
• 2015 Year in Review, Part 2: Giving 2015 a hand (javabeans’ review)
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