It’s Okay, It’s Love: Episode 13

by gummimochi

It’s the calm before the storm as our characters try to process the truth that our hero isn’t doing as well as he’s been letting on. Everyone should be so lucky to have as many people who care for them as Jae-yeol does, even if he isn’t aware of the danger he is to them and to himself. So it’s important for him to savor the few moments he has with the people he loves before it’s too late and everything comes crumbling down at his feet.

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MC the Max – “U” from the OST [ Download ]

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EPISODE 13 RECAP

After sitting Hae-soo down, Sunbae Jo and Doctor Lee cut right to the chase: they believe Jae-yeol is schizophrenic. Furthermore, the aspiring young writer Jae-yeol cares about so much—Kang-woo—doesn’t exist and neither do any of the kid’s manuscripts.

It isn’t an easy pill for anyone to swallow, particularly Hae-soo, who reacts with a mix of shock and confusion. She understandably doesn’t want to believe it, but watching the CCTV evidence of Jae-yeol fighting no one but himself disturbs her.

She tries her best to keep her voice calm when Jae-yeol calls, her eyes glued to the monitor. He picks up on her nervousness on the phone, and hangs up since he’ll be writing tonight. Jae-yeol was allegedly involved in an altercation with Kang-woo’s father about two months ago, which has Hae-soo tearfully recall the night Jae-yeol returned home battered and bloody.

After being told that Mama Ok-ja may be responsible for Jae-yeol’s stepfather’s death, Hae-soo is also told that imaginary Kang-woo may be a manifestation of Jae-yeol’s own younger self and personified guilt towards his brother. But what’s even more unsettling is how Jae-yeol is unaware that he’s hurting himself.

His condition is severe enough for Doctor Lee to consider hospitalizing Jae-yeol immediately, something Hae-soo is reluctant to even think about. When asked if Jae-yeol has voluntarily put himself in danger before, she recalls Jae-yeol’s risk-taking behaviors, from the speedy car chase to when he ran into oncoming traffic to his most recent car accident.

But Hae-soo denies any such behavior despite being told that time is of the essence. The building sweat on Hae-soo’s body betrays her words, though, and Doctor Lee warns Tae-yeol against taking any rash actions which could worsen Jae-yeol’s condition.

They have to keep Hae-soo away from Jae-yeol, Doctor Lee tells Sunbae Jo afterwards—for both of their sakes. If Jae-yeol’s self-harming behavior progresses, the end result is suicide.

When Hae-soo calls Jae-yeol asking where Kang-woo’s manuscripts are, he explains that he last saw them when she came in while he was on the phone with Kang-woo. Now we see the memory from her perspective, realizing that Jae-yeol wasn’t holding anything in his hands, let alone a manuscript.

Jae-yeol directs her to the drawer he believes he stuffed the document in. It’s empty of course, and he’s left perplexed when Hae-soo says it isn’t there.

She’s still very much in denial of Jae-yeol’s psychological issues afterwards, refusing to believe Sunbae Jo’s hypothesis of schizophrenia when it could be a minor neurological issue. Why should they as doctors jump to conclusions when she hasn’t witnessed any abnormal behavior?

Soo-kwang and So-nyeo happen to catch the tail-end of that conversation. After sending his girlfriend home, Soo-kwang recalls a time when Jae-yeol was carrying on a conversation by himself outside the cafe.

So when Hae-soo lights another candle that night, Soo-kwang repeats the statistics she spoke from her own mouth—how the majority of schizophrenic patients can lead normal lives with proper medication. But Hae-soo returns to her room without another word.

Concerned, Soo-kwang heads over to Jae-yeol’s place for an unexpected sleepover, much to the latter’s annoyance. He even grabs Jae-yeol in a surprise back hug to express his gratitude for the coolest guy he knows. Aw.

Jae-yeol’s stuck with him tonight whether he likes it or night, and though Soo-kwang makes light of his presence here, he tries his best to tamp down his worries.

Hae-soo thinks back to Sunbae Jo’s words earlier: if Jae-yeol’s repressed guilt is the primary issue, then his risk of self-harm increases the happier he is with Hae-soo. The memories flash through her head: how Jae-yeol hurt himself water skiing after they kissed, his violent dreams after they slept together, and his collision into a pole after their impromptu water fight.

Hae-soo leaves for work the next morning, ignoring Sunbae Jo trying to win some points back by offering breakfast. There’s a funny bit when Sunbae Jo claims that Soo-kwang hard-boiled the eggs, only to crack one on his forehead and discover that it’s raw. Ha.

There’s some projection going on at work with Doctor Lee and Hae-soo; the former telling the team to think of the patient’s safety versus how he feels and the latter arguing with a mother about the harms of prescribing ADHD medication to a normal child.

Hae-soo tries to avoid hanging out with Doctor Lee, citing that she’s going to see Mama Ok-ja. But Doctor Lee tells her to take Sunbae Jo with her, pointing out that Hae-soo isn’t reaching out to her sunbaes for help regarding Jae-yeol.

Meanwhile, Soo-kwang calls Jae-yeol to breakfast, going so far as forcing him to stop by closing his laptop when he doesn’t readily respond. He says he noticed Jae-yeol didn’t sleep at all, judging from the time Jae-yeol slipped into the bathroom.

Soo-kwang has some fun at the dining table, laughing when he gets ketchup on Jae-yeol’s face. He gets a beating for that, but stops joshing around the moment Jae-yeol retches into the sink after taking one bite. Uh oh, is that the Lou Gehrig’s disease rising to the surface?

Jae-yeol tells Soo-kwang to keep this a secret from Hae-soo, which Soo-kwang agrees to for about two seconds before secretly texting her about Jae-yeol’s condition, anyway. Still, Jae-yeol’s healthy enough to shoot hoops against Soo-kwang (and win) afterward.

Soo-kwang uses the opportunity to encourage Jae-yeol to get himself checked out. Jae-yeol says he’ll handle it, like he always does. So Soo-kwang doubles back to give Jae-yeol a present—a photo puzzle of the lovebirds—which he breaks up into pieces, to Jae-yeol’s surprise.

But Soo-kwang is trying to prove a point: that most people consider those with mental illnesses like a giant, tangled mess—like people who can’t recognize their own loved ones. “Even after cursing someone out, that there’s no sense of guilt.”

“But that’s not what we’re really like. We’re mostly normal… and only a small part of us is ill,” Soo-kwang states. Jae-yeol agrees with that. Using a puzzle piece to illustrate, Soo-kwang says his episodes only amount to a few seconds or minutes in a year. However for a schizophrenic like Hye-jin (Yoon-chul’s wife), several more pieces fall apart of their world due to a brain abnormality or deep emotional scars.

“Reality slipping into fantasy?” Jae-yeol asks. Soo-kwang: “Something like that.” But the good news is that if the patient seeks professional help and has the will to change, then they have the chance to put their fallen pieces back together.

With that, Soo-kwang gets going, and when Jae-yeol jokingly tells him not to come ’round anymore, Soo-kwang yells back that he probably will. Aw, I do like their friendship. Jae-yeol leaves the completed puzzle behind to shoot more hoops, and then we see imaginary Kang-woo stare at the puzzle and remove one piece.

Meanwhile, Jae-bum smiles at the roses he’s made out of his food, telling a fellow inmate that they’re for his mother… because she’ll be sad once Jae-yeol’s gone for good. He remembers how Jae-yeol had tried to warn him from getting thrown in prison for life, but shakes off that notion.

Hae-soo invites Mama Ok-ja over and barely gets a private conversation going before they’re interrupted by Sunbae Jo and Tae-yong’s arrival. Tae-yong breaks down in tears upon seeing Mama Ok-ja, and Hae-soo is asked to leave so that Sunbae Jo can inform Mama Ok-ja about her younger son’s condition.

Downstairs at the cafe, So-nyeo gets upset when Soo-kwang dismisses her future dreams in becoming a psychiatrist like Hae-soo. He’s already on edge as it is, annoyed that his girlfriend can’t tell that he’s having a hard time worrying about Jae-yeol. But So-nyeo says that’s why she’s trying to make conversation to make things easier—or would he prefer her to be sad and in tears?

She has a point there, and her words leave Soo-kwang impressed. He tells her that he loves her, to which So-nyeo has to suppress a smile.

By the time Hae-soo returns downstairs, it seems that Mama Ok-ja has decided to have hospitalized after all, though she believes that her son is suffering from stress-related issues. She’s still very shaken, however, and Hae-soo places a reassuring hand over hers, saying that Jae-yeol’s condition isn’t terminal.

Mama Ok-ja tries to convince herself that Jae-yeol can just receive treatment, worried that Hae-soo must’ve been even more shocked than she is. Wiping the tears from her eyes, Mama Ok-ja takes her leave.

She wills herself to be strong, but her overwhelming emotions and tears betray the words that psychological treatment and medication will help Jae-yeol. Her heartwrenching sobs are simply hard to watch.

Sunbae Jo notices that there are two candles now, asking if one of them is for Jae-yeol. he stops her from heading over to Jae-yeol’s place, curious as to what she plans to say when she get there. And now Hae-soo finally breaks down in tears, having no idea as to what she’ll say to Jae-yeol’s face.

She sits down with Sunbae Jo after the tears stop, but they’re replaced with fresh ones when she thinks of how foolish it was for her to believe that Jae-yeol would be unaffected by his tragic past. Furthermore, for a woman who claims to love him, she’s never once showed any true empathy to his emotional scars or suffering.

She wonders if she was ever truly sympathetic to his painful past and his relationship to his brother, because she told herself that she could understand the situation since she’s a doctor. Even after seeing Jae-yeol suffering from violent nightmares, she told him that he’d overcome it, but perhaps a part of her wanted to ignore his issues.

That was a show of her faith in Jae-yeol, not ignorance, Sunbae Jo offers consolingly. Calling herself a selfish person and an awful doctor and girlfriend, Hae-soo asks if it’s possible to keep Jae-yeol from being admitted.

Sunbae Jo’s silence pretty much says no, an answer Hae-soo accepts resignedly. Soo-kwang puts his arms out to give Hae-soo a comforting hug (aw), then gestures a thumbs-down sign when asked about Jae-yeol’s level of functioning.

Jae-yeol’s on the phone with Mama Ok-ja when Hae-soo swings by. He’s happy to see her and tells his mother that he can’t come see her since he’s working, much to Mama Ok-ja’s frustration. He suddenly starts coughing, which has Hae-soo recall when Jae-yeol asked her about Kang-woo’s symptoms.

Hae-soo and Jae-yeol share in a romantic moment while looking at the photo montage attached on the wall. After agreeing to let him photograph her hands and feet if she shaves, she recalls how Jae-yeol had said he wanted to protect Kang-woo because the kid reminded him of his younger self.

The words Doctor Lee spoke about Kang-woo being a manifestation of Jae-yeol’s guilt echoes in her mind as well. Looking at his New York Yankees hat, she casually asks if he knows of Lou Gehrig, the famous baseball player who suffered from the neurodegenerative disease which was later named after him. He does, but doesn’t really know how he did, figuring he read about it in a book.

Hae-soo continues to gaze at Jae-yeol with sympathy, softly stroking his hair. The pictures he takes of her hands and feet are added to the wall, and Jae-yeol keeps up his end of the bargain by letting Hae-soo shave his stubble.

She asks what he’d be most worried about if he ever found himself sick and hospitalized. He doesn’t know where this question is coming from, but answers that he’d probably be worried about his inability to write. He needn’t worry, since she’ll still like him if he isn’t a writer.

That prompts Jae-yeol to ask when she’s ever going to tell him that she loves him, then says he hasn’t heard from Kang-woo in a while and isn’t answering his calls either. Hae-soo softly answers that Jae-yeol must be really worried about him, and Jae-yeol replies, “I think he’s going to die soon.”

Kang-woo failed the recent novel writing competition and is sick these days. Hae-soo says Jae-yeol mentioned that Kang-woo was feeling much better, but Jae-yeol says the kid was lying—he’s got Lou Gehrig’s disease.

He states that Kang-woo once called him outside the clinic wearing a grim expression. She asks if Jae-yeol went with him to the hospital that day, which he didn’t because he was with her.

“Then how do you know Kang-woo looked upset? You’re describing it like you saw the scene in a movie or a book.” Jae-yeol opens his eyes, now questioning himself on how he can clearly picture Kang-woo’s memories when he was supposedly alone.

Jae-yeol isn’t willing to let Hae-soo leave so soon, but she assures him that their scheduled date is tomorrow. She’s nearly on the verge of tears when she tells him to wash up. He tells her that he loves her like crazy, but Hae-woo doesn’t echo the words.

Hae-soo sticks around to save a copy of Jae-yeol’s current manuscript from his laptop onto a USB drive, then calls Tae-yong (who’s been waiting downstairs) out for a chat. So Hae-soo is long gone by the time Jae-yeol exits the bathroom, and he smiles when he receives a call from Kang-woo moments later.

He’s relieved that Kang-woo’s fine since he was worried. Kang-woo says nothing as he rides his bike down the road, his eyes closed and his arms wide open. Jae-yeol tells him, “Don’t ever think that you’re alone. I’m always by your side. You know that, right?”

Tae-yong looks over the manuscript Hae-soo nicked and confirms that Jae-yeol’s written this story before—there’s nearly no new material. Jae-yeol encountered the same issue during the first few months when writing his previous novel, and now Tae-yong realizes that his friend has never quite been the same ever since Jae-bum stabbed him with a fork three years ago.

It’s taking Jae-yeol much longer than usual to write, given how rehashing his work for over two years now and unaware that he’s plagiarizing himself. Hae-soo asks that Tae-yong never leave Jae-yeol’s side.

At work, Hae-soo finally admits to Doctor Lee about Jae-yeol’s issues, describing his insomnia and inability to eat or write properly. Moreover, he’s put himself in danger on several occasions, hidden his injuries from her, and she now sees how his case could quickly spiral into a suicide risk.

She believes he might do something drastic, given imaginary Kang-woo’s situation right now: losing a writing composition and being diagnosed with ALS. Doctor Lee asks how she came to understand that someone like Jae-yeol would leave his loved ones and fall victim to his psychological issues.

“His desire to die and leave me, the one he loves, behind… There’s no rational reasoning to it,” Hae-soo answers. “Because it’s a mental illness.” This is her professional judgment: that Jae-yeol is unwell.

She knows they have to resort to force to have Jae-yeol admitted (since Jae-yeol won’t recognize how unwell he is in his current state), but he needs to be hospitalized to treat his active symptoms (i.e., his hallucinations) first.

While Editor Bae sobs in Tae-yong’s arms after informing the broadcasters that Jae-yeol won’t be able to continue his radio show, Doctor Lee and Sunbae Jo give Mama Ok-ja a tour of Jae-yeol’s soon-to-be new home in the psych ward.

She asks whether her son will be hospitalized for months or even years like she’s seen in books or on TV. Doctor Lee assures her that Jae-yeol will likely be hospitalized for a month or two, but I can’t shake off the feeling that that estimate sounds pretty short.

While Sunbae Jo prepares the other medical professionals about Jae-yeol’s case, we see Jae-bum get dropped off at his old neighborhood. He envisions seeing a young Jae-yeol and his mother washing each other in the river—not too far off, Kang-woo looks on.

Jae-yeol finds Hae-soo already waiting for him at home, much to his pleasant surprise. She has him stop in place so she can take in his handsome features. Doctor Lee calls in to inform her that the ambulance to pick up Jae-yeol is standing by for her cue. Hae-soo says she’ll call back.

Then she opens her arms, inviting him for a hug. He gladly takes her up on the offer, planting a kiss on her forehead before pulling her into a tight embrace. “I love you,” he says. A tear rolls down Hae-soo’s cheek as she asks to stay like this for a little longer. He agrees.

 
COMMENTS

Now that we’ve been exploring the stepfather’s death for some time, I welcome the shift back to Jae-yeol’s mental health, which has been progressively worsening while our attention was mainly fixed elsewhere. His schizophrenic symptoms has always been a concern in this series, and we were left waiting for the day when his present condition would come to the forefront. And if his unstable psychological health wasn’t enough as it was, Jae-yeol has entered the initial stages of a debilitating neurodegenerative disease. Because misfortune never comes alone.

So with this depressing news we’d been prepared for, I most looked forward to our characters’ reactions once they found out that Jae-yeol is unwell and poses as a risk to himself and to others. It was necessary for Hae-soo in particular to be aware of the dangers she faces by placing herself in his company, that her chances of (un)knowingly getting hurt are higher in Jae-yeol’s presence. Despite what anyone else told her, it was important for Hae-soo to acknowledge Jae-yeol’s mental issues, understand how inaction could eventually endanger his own life, and most importantly, that she come to this conclusion on her own. Not only as a professional, but as someone who loves Jae-yeol (even if she hasn’t spoken the words to him yet).

In that vein, Jae-yeol is remarkably lucky to be surrounded by so many people who care for him, both in and outside the house. Given the stigma that surrounds mental health in Korea (as evidenced by the cases we see in the hospital), we saw our characters work together and figure out active measures to ensure Jae-yeol’s safety. Although I raised an eyebrow at how a two-month hospital stay can affect positive change (since seeing noticeable improvement in psychotherapy could take months even in the most willing of patients, which Jae-yeol is not) I appreciated that action was being taken at all instead of brushing the matter under the rug.

I particularly liked watching Soo-kwang and his interactions with our lovebirds, like how he took the initiative to go and take care of Jae-yeol, explained his perspective of what it’s like to suffer from a mental illness compared to what society thinks, and simply gave Hae-soo a comforting hug whenever she needed one. His use of puzzle pieces was a delicate example of what it’s like, for lack of a better phrase, have a few pieces that fall apart. Even with three episodes ahead of us, it’d be nice to see some thoughtful insight on Soo-kwang’s part.

And then we come back to Jae-yeol, who doesn’t even realize the severity of his condition for either his schizophrenia or his Lou Gehrig’s disease. Even without the confirmation in this episode, we’ve known for a while that imaginary Kang-woo is a reflection of his younger self. As Jae-yeol continues to either experience any extreme emotions or puts himself in danger, one can only imagine how that will affect his dependency on a figment of his imagination. Because no one can see that particular puzzle piece except himself.

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