Odds and Ends: Ineffectual villainy

by javabeans

javabeans: So what was your week like?

girlfriday: I guess busy and drama-filled. The usual? What about you?

javabeans: Well, we recorded a podcast that should be up by the time this posts, so I got to listen to our voices over and over for hours on end. You know how there are people who supposedly love the sound of their own voices? I’m not one of those people.

girlfriday: Not to mention that would make you super vain. Does voice count as a vanity thing?

javabeans: If you can find a way to be in love with yourself because of it, then yes, it counts.

girlfriday: I can barely listen to myself the once.

javabeans: It’s just a weird brand of surreal to hear yourself in a form that isn’t… you know, yourself, in the moment. I don’t know how the celebrities get used to seeing themselves in various media. And then every time I wonder why we don’t do more podcasts, all it takes is editing one to remember why.

girlfriday: If we stopped rambling it would be much easier, but I don’t know if we know how to do that.

javabeans: Sometimes after a while, I get into a zen state of mind and it becomes some other annoying person I’m editing, rather than myself.

girlfriday: Like an out-of-body experience?

javabeans: It would be the most boring out-of-body experience ever, just sitting there listening to two people talk instead of doing something interesting, like spying on celebrities or traveling to far-flung locales. I mean, what would you do with that superpower?

girlfriday: Is there really much you can do with that superpower? Am I corporeal? Do I get to touch or taste things?

javabeans: No, I suppose not, which means no sneak-hug-attacking your oppas.

girlfriday: Then what’s the point, really.

javabeans: It would just let you be nosy? Sure you can’t do a whole lot with it, but it’s still a power! You could join Dr. Horrible’s Henchman Union and be like Moist, always ready to dampen things. Or in this case, reading over people’s shoulders or whispering random crazy ideas into their ears.

girlfriday: So just hang out and be haunty?

javabeans: Ooh, I’d do that. Haunt people and make them think I was a ghost instead of just astrally projecting myself. I think that would mean I’m using my powers for evil rather than good though.

girlfriday: Yes, but then you could join the Evil League of Evil.

javabeans: And wouldn’t you really rather be effective at being evil than ineffectual at being good? Sure I’m evil, but I have follow-through.

girlfriday: Exactly. This is maybe why the universe has not granted us superpowers. But really, if dramas have taught us anything, it’s that having powers sucks and it makes you mopey and burdened with saving humanity.

javabeans: Mostly because those people are noble, though. I’m pretty sure I could get over the burden of nobility and concentrate on saving myself. I’m going to freeze myself into a popsicle in front of a wormhole, aren’t I.

girlfriday: It’s a possibility.

javabeans: Though if I could choose to be a drama villain, I’d pick a cooler one than Evil Faith Guy. One who lived in an era with toilets and showers.

girlfriday: So… somebody’s mother-in-law?

javabeans: One of the really rich ones. I think we’ve been over this before, haven’t we? What can you do, you can’t change who you are.

girlfriday: I always have trouble picking good villains because there are so few interesting bad guys in dramaland. It’s like giving your villain some relatable human traits might make you too sympathetic and the world might implode.

javabeans: And giving your heroes and heroines a dark side might make them somehow less relatable, rather than way more interesting. When I see those sweet Candys, even when I like them I’m still wondering, “Why don’t you feel real emotions? Nobody’s that good.”

girlfriday: There is a very thin line between innocence and stupidity in dramaland.

javabeans: Which is why we call it the Noble Idiot. I don’t trust anybody who says they’ve never felt schadenfreude before. Even if you don’t know the definition of schadenfreude, you have felt it.

girlfriday: Yeah that’s just a lie.

javabeans: Maybe that’s why I like Lee Bo-young’s characters—they’re not really concerned with people thinking they’re sweet. And then she feels like a person who might exist, and therefore someone I’d like to be friends with.

girlfriday: She has the best brand of sass. It’s conceited but lovable, and when she acts annoyed, I truly believe she’s annoyed.

javabeans: Just watch, when we get our chance to write our drama (you know, in the fictional alternate universe where we do that), everyone will be so twisted and flawed and far from normal that it’ll be its own brand of confusing. Like the director who refuses to give you a master shot and only focuses on slanty angles of eyes and chins.

girlfriday: Then we’d better hire someone else to add the nice.

javabeans: Good plan, ’cause I sure don’t want to be in charge of the nice quotient. Maybe Jang Nara will be free?

 
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